17.01.99 - Auditioning for the part of 'Death'

This journal is sadly being neglected in favour of real life. I feel some commitment towards keeping it going and I still enjoy writing the entries but just bear with me while I get into some kind of routine with the new commitments in my real life. I've had the week from hell and it's amazing really that I have felt like writing any entries but I seem to have managed one on the 12th so it can't have been all that bad. I'm still tired and I am still going into London a lot but this weekend at least I took control and insisted on returning home Saturday evening rather than Sunday afternoon. I wanted to see my sister and brother-in-law and I also had a bazillion things to do... apart from the fact that I didn't want to have to navigate the train system while Marylebone station was closed on Sunday. I didn't get that much done but I managed to clean my room, get some petrol put in the car (although I still avoided putting air into the tyres... they'll be completely flat soon if I am not careful!), have a bath, get plenty of sleep etc. It's good to be home sometimes even though too much of it can be boring.

I do have to go into London in the week and this is a very sensitive subject. I once again considered not writing anything about this but figured I have written so much other risqué or sensitive stuff in the past that no-one is likely to care. A friend confided in me that he had found out about some sexually transmitted disease he had developed and had been to one of those clinics to get it looked at and sorted out. It was nothing terminal and in fact it was quite a simple little thing that just needed some antibiotics to get rid of. It got me thinking... which is dangerous sometimes! I just kept playing over in my mind all the times in the past where I have been totally fucking stupid about my self preservation. I'm generally not one to take risks of any sort but in a situation where emotions are involved I tend to lose control of this sense of self preservation and well... the results can be fatal as I was reminded recently by this incident. Thing like sexually transmitted diseases get me so amazingly paranoid that if I don't put my mind at rest it would eat away at me. I remember the first time I was careless and I was paranoid for months but too scared to do anything about getting myself checked out. This time, now that I have been reminded of the issue I felt compelled to do something about it. I asked this friend the details about the clinic and I am going to phone tomorrow and make an appointment. It sounds like a horribly personal experience and I am not looking forward to it but the peace of mind that would follow would be worth it. If anyone feels like e-mailing me to preach on how careless and stupid I may have been in the past then don't bother. I know I have been stupid and careless but at least I recognise and can face up to that fact. If you think you can prove you haven't ever taken an unnecessary risk in your life ever only then will I listen to you. Hopefully by going through this experience maybe some others of you out there who have the same nagging doubt will see how easy it is to get this checked out and go do the same.

On a lighter note, I went to see "Meet Joe Black" yesterday. The review in 'The Times' looked ok and even though the running time was billed as 181 minutes I decided it might be good enough that the time would fly by unnoticed (like it did in "Titanic"). I am glad I went to see it now because it was good. Perhaps my only criticism would be that it was overly sentimental and mushy but some people like that. It did bring a lump to my throat on several occasions, more notably in the last half of the film. It was an interesting storyline and all the actors and actresses were good (although the lead female had those big lips and eyes that made her look like she was about to burst out crying at any moment... and she did do some crying mind you). It's worth going to see if only to witness Brad Pitt getting knocked down by a van, thrown into the air and smashed against the front of an oncoming car. Hehehe. Oh and I don't think I have really spoiled any of the storyline by telling you that. I mean, he is billed as playing the part of "Death".

Have you ever had a pizza at one of those restaurants in London where they hand make them at the back so you can see them flipping the dough around in the air? I had one of those yesterday and it was HUGE! I know it was thin crust but it was about twice the size of my plate! It was very tasty though and despite the fact that I had no starter or dessert I just could not eat it. The half bottle of red wine went down very nicely and all in all it was good day, topped off by the fact that I got three half price calendars in total cost of just over £11... bargain! :-) I got a "Dilbert" calendar, a coffee addicts calendar and one called "End of the World" that has a prophecy about the millenium on each month and some cool images, like fork lightning and a red hued pyramid with the moon above it... perfect for the pessimist.

I've taken to listening to Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons' lately. I have always liked string instruments and orchestral sounds and I am so jealous of anyone that can play a musical instrument. I keep wondering whether to learn one myself but I feel like you need to start young with that kind of thing and have a natural aptitude. Also I wonder what I would do with the skill if I gained it?! It's not like I would ever be good enough to play in an orchestra or in a band. Ah well... maybe I will find something else to keep me occupied in the years to come and maybe take me into retirement with some sense of purpose. Retirement?!?! Uhoh... even the mere mention of something that far away scares the hell out of me so I think I will stop writing here.

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Created by Rich Hull,1999.