25.01.99 - I can't concentrate!

Things have been really manic here today and my mind has just been overloaded with the possible outcomes of recent events. I got a call from one of the job agencies today and they have lined up an interview for me tomorrow! I have to go into the agency at 3:30pm to do their little tests so they can see how technically competent (or idiotic) I am and at which level they can push for jobs for me. I stated in my letter that I was looking at a salary of around £18,000 but the guy from the agency reckons I am being a tiny bit unrealistic and that at my level I should be accepting around £16,000. As a result, this job he is putting me forward for has a salary of £16,000. The down side is that it's doing helpdesk support at... a hospital! Argh! I don't want to work for the freakin' NHS anymore! I realise it might make sense given my experience but I so desperately want a job in the private sector. My friend Peter thinks that the guy from the agency is spouting bullshit and that I should tell them to shove the £16k job and do contract work until something better comes up. I'm just too scared to take on the uncertainty of contract work, especially with the prospect of moving to London.

I'm seriously thinking about doing contract work though but I'll see how the interview tomorrow goes first. If I don't get it then that will answer my dilemma I guess! I am so close to getting other work and moving to London that my mind has accepted the very real possibility of leaving my existing job and I think I will have to do it. On top of all this the opportunity to have somewhere to live with someone I know is just too tempting. If I don't get the job then I will wait and see if Peter and I can find somewhere to share. If not and he decides to go it alone in a studio flat then maybe I will just settle back down for a little while longer and accept my shitty life and job in this town for a while longer. If we find somewhere then I am going to hand my resignation in immediately, risk it with contract work and move there. I was having this discussion with my Mum (the paragon of all things pragmatic and sensible) and she is always the sour note to my fantastical plans. She just keeps throwing practical things in my face and worries that I don't need. She keeps reminding me that doing contract work is risky and that I may struggle and ....arrrrrgh!!!! I just argued back with her this time (in a very civilised manner you understand...she's still my Mum after all!). I told her that people who don't take risks every now and again don't seem to get anywhere and that I was sick of not getting anywhere with this issue. I really feel like it will take some sacrifice or risk taking on my part to see some positive outcome to this situation.

I have some homework to do as a result of this interview. The guy at the agency gave me all these questions about TCP/IP to find out the answers to. He wants me to have some kind of overview about the networking protocols, presumably because the network at the hospital I am going to be intervewed at has reliance on these protocols and the job would require a knowledge. My mind is just all over the place and I can hardly concentrate on a single thing! I've downloaded some HTML pages that tell me loads of stuff about TCP/IP and I guess I should read them now before I get too tired or too distracted. I can't even concentrate to write this journal entry anymore!

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Created by Rich Hull,1999.