31.01.99 - Fuzzy logic, dizzy brain

Yesterday was not really what I expected it to be and just when things seem so simple fate decides that they are not going to be. You may remember that I mentioned in my last journal entry that I was going to end my current relationship because I did not really think I could handle it right now. Well... it took all my nerves and a hell of a lot of psyching myself up to approach the situation and when I did I was faced with perplexity that my partner wouldn't accept my logic! I tried reasoning it out several ways and in the end I felt like I had made a mistake and that it really was the wrong thing to do. I made things a lot more complicated by temporarily accepting this logic that wasn't mine and now I really am not sure where we both stand. Ok, I know this sounds very cryptic but I don't want to drag this other person into my journal for various reasons so please bear with me on the secrecy. I have already dragged several friends into this journal without their consent and used their real names which wasn't perhaps fair of me. Anyway, the relationship thing just has me baffled now and I don't know what to do. On one level it feels very right to be in and on the other hand it feels wrong and I don't really want it. Perhaps I will get a clue sometime soon and sort it out. I hope so!

The flat Peter and I went to see in Tufnell Park was really nice. Well, I say "really nice" but it was no palace. The price and location and everything though makes it a very good deal and it's somewhere I can definitely imagine living. Hopefully by the time I am writing this entry Peter has phoned the landlord to register our interest and then I guess we just wait to see if he will offer the place to us. I'm really hoping this works out... for just one thing to work out (new job or flat) would be a great start to 1999. I've decided that I may commute back here for a while if I move to London until I can get a job locally. It shouldn't be too bad because all the rush hour traffic will hopefully be pouring into London rather than out and if we get this flat the journey is very straight forward up the A1/A41. I may get rid of the car though when I get things sorted out because it's so expensive to run and keep up.

I've felt really strange all day today and I felt a bit queasy yesterday evening. It started as a headache that sent shooting pains across my forehead and all today my head has felt really tender and I've been dizzy. My Mum has got me all paranoid now by mentioning my blood pressure! I remember once when I went to the doctor he said my blood pressure was not quite as high as it should be but that there was no cause for alarm. As if worrying about that wasn't enough... I guess the worry would screw up my blood pressure anyway! Catch 22 situation. It could just be that my eyes need testing again or a migraine of some sort (although I haven't had one of those in years). One last option is that it could be stress... and that wouldn't be a surprise.

I found something on the web that I just had to share with you. It made me laugh so much and for any job seekers out there I DARE you to try sending this. Hehe........

Dear <insert name of interviewer>,

Thank you for your letter of <insert date>. After carefulul consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me the post of <insert job title here>. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite <insert company name>'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of <insert job title> in your department this <insert month>. I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Rich Hul.

Ok I'm in a funny mood now so here's a joke that tickled me.......

A guy walks into a pet store and says to the pet store owner "Can I have a fly please?". The pet store owner just stands there staring at the guy for a moment and finally replies, "Umm... I'm sorry sir but we don't sell flies." The guy looks dissatisfied and replies "Well.... I saw one in the window."

Hehehehehe.

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Created by Rich Hull,1999.