22.12.98 - Yer want a piece of me?! Honest guv!

I booked anuvver 'alf day of me annual leave and went into London this afternoon. Right. Me day were not turnin' out right well and I could sense early on that it would be "one of them days". I came 'ome and ate a sandwich and got ready right quickly, right, forgettin' Peter's birffday card as I strode out of the door and dahn the road. Me mobile dog and bone refused to connect (and still does as a matter of fact) tellin' me that it is "searchin' for networks". It just flashes at me sayin' that all the time and I fear that me identity 'as somehow been erased from the bloomin' network altogeffer. Oh well, 'ave a looks like Vodafone will be copping a snotty dog and bone call from me tomorrow (from a Mercury line! Honest guv!). I were mildly irritated by this as I knew that blokes were likely ter want ter get 'old of me or try ter leave messages. For all I know I could 'ave messages waitin' for me at the chuffin' recall centre. Grrrrrrr.

Shoppin' on London were not as bad as I had imagined. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? London always seems busy ter me and unless yer've been there yer right can't take it all in. I 'ave 'eard blokes from uvver countries say 'ow amazin' it all is and far larger than life than they 'ad imagined. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? To me its just London...plain and simple and evryfink else now seems tame and a wee bit borin'. I struggled ter a couple of shops and then waited outside Tower Records for Peter. I cop paranoid that blokes will fink I am some sort of rent boy or pervert for 'angin' 'round there but luckily Peter were not long. He apologised for bein' late wich didn't matter because 'e weren't right. It were strange ter see 'im dressed in 'is work kit as I'm bloody well used ter seein' 'im in 'is casual wear (dude! Struth!). We went on ter do some shoppin' but as I 'ad right done the bleedin' two fings I wanted ter do I just let 'im take lead and do 'is bits of shoppin' and I just went along for the ride. We went in some strange shops includin' "a septic tank Retro" and some memorabilia type place in Soho but mostly ended up walkin' round butcher's hook shops. After a wile of wanderin' round and Peter copping stressed because 'e didn't know wot to buy blokes we 'ad the mockers put on off for sumfink ter eat.

Once the chuffin' shoppin' were done Peter were right stressed (sheesh, right, he 'as no stamina for stressful situations! Right!... Right. maybe its an age fin' as 'e 'as 10 years on me) and just wanted ter go 'ome. I were a bit disappointed because I had wanted ter go round a bit more or put the mockers on off for a drink but oi remember this were "one of them days" so I were never gonna cop wot I wanted were I, then, mate? We walked ter Holborn station and split up, right, I took the bloomin' Central line and 'e took Piccadilly line home. I went hammer and tack to Selfridges and bought me Mum some chocolates as an early Christmas present (wich she were frilled wiv. hehe). Oh God.... did yer right want me ter bore yer wiv details of me shoppin' day, then, guv? Tough... I'm bloody well not backspacin' now after all that!

Wen I got 'ome I checked me e-mail and Pauline 'ad e-mailed me from work ter say that she 'as a linkin' problem wiv some spreadsheets at work and were just givin' me advance warnin' that it would need ter be sorted out tomorrow. Aargh! Honest guv! I 'ate linkin' problems... I bet its sumfink right daft and simple but linkin' problems always take FOREVER ter sort out. Just wot we don't need right before Christmas, especially wen blokes are likely ter want the waitin' list figures from these spreadsheets.

Pauline's ole man predictably went psycho about the gifts I got and gave ter Pauline. He made some daftass comment about the silly idea of 'er messin' 'round wiv me and ffen went on ter say "Well 'e can buy presents for yer but he's NOT buyin' presents for MY son again". Wot a monumental, fuckin' poof fairy. I'm sorry for swearin' like that but there are just some blokes 'oo ain't fit ter be described wiv anyfink uvver than naughty words. I 'ope she hurries up and realises that she's married ter a dipshit and leaves 'im. Oops... it's none of me business right so I should shut the bloomin' hell up.

The 'mates' situation I went on about in my last entry seems ter be settin' dahn a bit, do wot guvnor! I'm still a big screw up about fings like that but at least I 'aven't made finks worse wiv any of them. I tried me Mae West to sort one out and 'opefully its not so bad now. I went out wiv Sri last night and felt so rough that we 'ad ter call an end ter the night earlier than expected. I 'ad several coughin' fits and after eatin' a double 'oopper wiv cheese from Burger Kin' I decided I 'ad ter go 'ome or these coughin' fits were gonna make me frow it hammer and tack up. I should 'ave listened ter my muvver and gone ter the doctor ter get some antibiotics. I guess Mum's are right... most of the time.

Well, Christmas is almost upon us and I'm bloody well ready for it now. I'll get out me spoons. Yer want a piece of me?! Right! Come and cop it Christmas! Blimey!! Honest guv!!

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