22.10.98 - Well, it isn't what was planned but...

I hate being so far from where I want to be. I hate whining about it so much too but unfortunately it is in my nature. I know for definite now that I want to live in London and I want a job in an IT related profession. I am half way there by having the job that I have now at the hospital but they are messing me around with my wages, they are stifling my career development and they are just too far from London for me to consider wanting to stay. I suppose it's a good sign that I at least recognise what it is that I want.

It was my first day back at work today having been off all week through sick leave. I don't know what I was expecting to come back to but in all fairness it was not as bad as I had thought it would be. Sure there were things that had been left for me to do but for some reason no-one was in that great a rush for them to be done so I was able to sit down and get on with them at my own pace. It probably helped that one of my managers hadn't even realised I was back in until late afternoon and the others seemed either disinterested or were too busy. What did make me want to laugh, scream, cry and slap someone all at the same time was what happened the moment I let them know I was back in. I got the usual "Oh, how are you feeling?" comments and the sympathetic looks but then moments later it was a case of "Richard, I need your help with this" and "Richard, I need your help too" and I ended up spending the first hour and a half sorting other people's problems out for them. I love helping other people with things like that because it is my chance to show that I can do the stuff and also because I usually get some sort of recognition for it (even if it is only a half-hearted thanks) but the fact remains they should have been able to sort these problems out themselves. They were such simple things and it made me wonder what it would be like there if I didn't actually work there. Well maybe one day soon they will find out.

Despite my plans to the contrary things have not worked out quite as I had hoped and I am not going into London this weekend after all. I am still not well and I suppose I shouldn't have even considered it but I only get the chance to do this at weekends and if I miss a weekend then I get really bored and fed up, especially in work the second week thinking about the impending weekend I have to now wait for. I stayed offline most of tonight so that I could receive a phone call from someone about going down this weekend and in the end I had to phone them because they had fallen asleep! After all that we decided because of some things that had already been arranged that it was probably not best for me to go down this weekend. I was a little disappointed but then I realised it would not have been as much fun while I am still ill like this. Damn colds! Someone else asked if I wanted to go down and even though I had the option to I said no, so that I could take the time to recover properly. The only problem now is that I have arranged to go out with my friend Sri next weekend and that is going to tie things up a bit. Argh, I can never organise my time properly. If I lived in London I would not have half these problems because I could arrange to go out with people in the week instead!

I have an appointment at the bank tomorrow. It is one of those sales things that they arranged where they look at my finances and work out what new thing they can try and sell to me. Little do they know that I am going to turn things around and use the opportunity to get them to arrange my holiday money, travel insurance and swap some of my money between accounts. I'm sure they won't mind all that much as I am still using their services... its just not what they had planned the meeting for. Still, I am the customer and you know how the saying goes... I am always right.

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