25.10.98 - Lines of light on my retina

I expect too much of people and they constantly disappoint me. It drives me crazy sometimes and I want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them and tell them that they're being unfair or just tell them to get lost because I don't need disappointment in my life like that all the time. If I did that to everyone who disappointed me though I would be left with very few friends. Perhaps I am being a bit melodramatic here as the reason I feel disappointed tonight is because I was expecting a phone call from two different friends tonight, it is 10pm now and neither one has phoned. I am not expecting them to call now and if one of them does then I will still be a bit angry because they shouldn't phone me so late on a Sunday night. Ugh.... why is it so hard just to pick up a phone and call someone when you say you are going to? Even if it is just to say that they can't stop and chat because they are busy doing something else?!

I'm really quite tired now and I feel like I want to go to bed but I daren't in case one of them calls now. I'm angry, tired and feeling a little pathetic and sorry for myself. Oh God, I don't even feel like writing something meaningful in this journal. It's all coming out as just a measly pathetic attempt to whinge about something and I am so fed up of hearing myself do that. I need a break from this screen too because the writing is starting to stick as lines of light on my retina so that I can still read it when I look away. Ah crap... I give up. See ya.

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