27.10.98 - Nightmares. Grrrrrr.

I was in the sort of mood today where I could not be bothered with work, could not concentrate on anything and was tired beyond belief. It was partly my own fault for staying up so late last night (and the night before) and partly the fault of most everyone else in my life. I never got that phone call that was due on Monday and now I don't know what my plans for the weekend are supposed to be which really pisses me off. I made the effort three times to call but every time I do it just rings and rings and there is no answer. All kinds of thoughts go through my head, even silly things like "maybe they were in an accident and got admitted to hospital!". I just find it hard to believe that people can be so inconsiderate of my feelings like that. I shouldn't be so surprised though, I mean it's not like it's anything new... can you see why I am so cynical all the time?

Well the news I have been waiting to hear for three nightmare-ish weeks finally arrived today. I asked my boss the results of my job regrading and he told me (the fact that he had known for a week and not bothered to tell me nearly made me spit fire at him). I got a grade '5' which is one grade up from where I am now. I am not particularly thrilled about it because I think it should be a '6' and also I still don't know at what point on the scale of a '5' they will put me. I will not accept the bottom of the scale and if they try and pull that shit on me then I will hand my notice in there and then or just go on strike or something. I don't think they will put me at the top either because that's just way too fair for it to happen. I think I will get somewhere in the middle of the scale which means a pay increase of about 20%. That sounds like a lot but when you're on the kind of money I am on, believe me, it really isn't that much at all. For the amount of extra responsibility I have been given and the new challenges of the job I deserve much more. They are getting me on the cheap... the bastards. I knew it would happen but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. It just makes me more determined to get out of that place and it would serve them right if I left them in that mess.

I had a bit of a bust up with someone on the phone last night and it was awful. I had such a guilt trip afterwards and I don't want to lose a friend but... well it was just another big nightmare. I don't know how I get myself into these things, I really don't. I know we all have bust ups and fall out with people as we go through life but I just hate it. All that bad feeling dredged up and thrown about to hurt one another it really not my scene at all. Even when I was winning an argument it didn't feel good! I've made plans to go out Friday night, forget everything and just party hard. It will be fun I know, and I really need for it to be. My friend says that he gets drunk very easily which means I will have to have a double measure for every single one he has otherwise I will be sober and get embarrassed at his behaviour. Hahaha.

Damn.... should I try calling again? It's really late.... oh to hell with it. I'm too flipping miserable and will probably just have a go at them if I do get through. I'm really very, very angry now. Grrrrrr.

PREVIOUS ENTRY   JOURNAL MENU   NEXT ENTRY

Website created by Rich Hull,1998.