28.10.98 - Misreading situations and disaster movies

I've calmed down a wee bit today but I am still very angry. Still no phone call and no explanation. I just can't quite accept the fact that someone can be so inconsiderate, especially as it is someone I really did not expect it from. I'm still half thinking that something must be wrong but try as I might I still cannot get through... the phone just rings and rings. Damn it! A sort of resignation has come over me and now I am thinking that I don't really care but inside I do and that stubborn little part of me refuses to let go of the issue until I get through. This probably all sounds very cryptic but I don't want to get into complications by saying anything more or involving names and things and it's my journal so really... I will tell you what I want to!

I was dreading work today as I have dreaded it every day this week. I really have not been in "work mode" at all as the weekend had been so boring and I didn't fancy a whole week of more "boring". I am anxious to get to the weekend too so that I can let my hair down and have some fun. As it turned out work was not so bad today. I seemed to get on better with my project manager and I was talking to her about her desire to return to speech therapy as a profession while we were walking over to the computer server room. People always enjoy talking about themselves (yeah, yeah... including me) and so even if I am not interested I let them talk away because I know they will enjoy it and perhaps in the process like me a little better. Boy, that makes me sound so calculating doesn't it? Well if you sit and think about it we all play little games like that with our body language and with the things we say and the way we interact with people. Perhaps I am just a little more open about it here. Quirky little social observations like that have always fascinated me and I pride myself in being able to 'read' things like that and take on board what is going on when people interact in a certain way. Hmmm... mind you I don't seem to be very good at 'reading' certain people in my life at the moment as the phone call incident proves. Ok, so forget I ever said anything. I am clearly crap at reading situations!

Anyway back to work... I spent a certain proportion of the day staring out of the window, dozing off in a warm fuzzy feeling that a radiator in an office always gives me on a cold day and messing around with silly things on the computer. I also got some work done but as I hadn't been in the mood all day it was really an effort. Luckily things didn't drag on too long and I managed to get through the day feeling not too mentally drained. I learned some more SQL from my book "SQL for Dummies" and wrote some of the stuff up on the whiteboard just to impress people that happened to wander into the office. It worked... my project manager noticed it and said something about my enthusiasm for learning SQL. Hehe. Well goodness knows I need to show some enthusiasm because it is clear they are not going to pay for formal training for me! The bastards... oh well I am not going to start moaning about that again. I'm still waiting to hear what point on the grade scale they are going to put me and what kind of wages I can expect when it is all sorted out. I just know I am going to be disappointed but I suppose at any rate the extra money will be more than welcome, especially right before Christmas and right after my holiday.

I just took a break from this to watch the film "Daylight" with Sylvester Stallone. As it hadn't really been hyped that much I figured it would be lame but as action movies go it was really quite good. I love those sort of disaster movies and some of the special effects in this one were really good. It's a far cry from the old days of "Towering Inferno" and "The Poseidon Adventure". It was especially good watched in digital with surround sound. Wow! Who needs a cinema? Hehe.

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