05.10.98 - Potential persistent vegetative

I was sat on my bed a little while ago leafing through the pages of a "Jobsearch" newspaper I had bought at the weekend. I was feeling quite focused about my career, forward looking, positive and determined. The more I looked at the jobs, the more I realised that every single advertisment wanted specific experience or qualifications in a certain area that I just don't have enough knowledge about. As I was looking at these I began to think about all the people who have these specific skills, I began thinking about my friend Kevin who must earn enough to live in that nice flat in London and about my friends that all have their own places and can afford holidays here and there every year... and still manage to go out in the evenings a hell of a lot more than I do! Where does my money go? Why did my train of thought have to go down this track and get me all depressed again? I swear my emotions go up and down like a yo-yo sometimes which only confirms my belief that it is a physiological manifestation. I am hungry right now... I wonder if that has anything to do with it (although goodness knows why as I had quite a large dinner).

I should really be sat here updating someone's CV and printing it off but I am not really in the mood. This is yet another little task that "good old Rich" has been dumped with. I typed up Sahra's CV for her a few months back and have been doing the odd update at her request. It was something that gave me pleasure to do for her when it was a small task but now she wants it redesigned according to a layout in some book she bought. The book is one of those self help books about getting the right job and she hasn't even taken the time to look in the book other than quickly leaf through it to find an example of a CV. It is the design of this CV that she wants me to copy. I sort of feel that this is defying the whole purpose of putting in the effort of applying for a job... getting someone else to do all the work for you and reaping the rewards yourself. I wouldn't mind but I realise how much hard work it is to find a job and I feel a bit cheated by helping someone so that it is handed to them on a plate... no matter who they are or how much I like them. No doubt I will do it but I'm not in a rush as I have myself to think about at the moment.

Tomorrow is the big day. I doubt it will feel that way because I am not expecting to hear the results of the regrading panel until the end of the week (Ugh, they annoy the crap out of me with their red tape, bureaucratic, bullshit procrastinating!!!). Inside I feel like I 'might' hear before then but I am desperately trying to contain that hope because my practical side tells me that it's...umm... not very practical! Regardless of what happens you know you will hear all about it on this website (whether you want to or not. Ha!). My manager was so rude to me today (no change there I might add) that I felt like being rude back but I used all my mental willpower so that I didn't because I thought it might screw up my chances of getting a decent outcome to this 'regrade of the century'. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm going to get a Grade 5 (lower than the Grade 6 I feel I deserve) and then I'll have to fight to get anywhere decent up the grade scale, by which time I will be so pissed off that I'll just give up on my job entirely and sit there staring into space like a patient in a persistent vegetative state. Did I hear someone say 'pessimist'?

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Website created by Rich Hull,1998.