07.10.98 - Friends, friends and more than friends

If you've been waiting to hear about the outcome of my regrading then I'm afraid you're out of luck. Either the decision has not been made yet or no-one is telling me. My manager told me on Tuesday that she would be on a course on Thursday and as she is usually only in on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays it means I won't see her again until next week. As you can imagine I was furious as hell at that point but I soon calmed down and worked out logically that there was nothing I could do about it and did it really matter whether I heard about it this week or next week? For my sanity I would rather hear this week but logically I realise I can wait *twitch*

I had planned to go out on Friday night as a sort of celebration or comiseration party for myself. As it now turns out it looks like it will be neither but I have decided to go ahead with it anyway. I have arranged with Kevin to meet up with him in Chiswick and then we'll go out and about drinking, being merry and generally talking rubbish as one usually does on a night out. Oh, we will probably be ogling all the beautiful people too and dribbling into our glasses. Hehehe. I'm trying to plan things a little better this time so that I don't have people panicking about what I am doing or where I am. I just told my Mum that I was going out on Friday and she got that worried look on her face. She told me not to get as drunk as I did last time and gave me a little speech about London being a dangerous place and that I need to be aware of what I am doing all the time and be sober enough to be able to travel about and get where I want to be. Hehehe, bless her. I know she will worry whatever I do but I really think this is good for her in a way. She has to let go more because when I leave home she won't know from one minute to the next what I am doing, where I am going or who I am with. I love that she worries about me but at the same time I don't want to have to feel guilty about it which is why I need my own space.

Do I talk too much about my job? I look back on these entries sometimes and think "wow, I really do gab on about my bloody job and work all the time". I can't help it! It's a big part of my life and I'm bound to talk about it a lot. I have talked a bit more about my social life recently and I think that is just because there is more to say about it than usual.... and why do I feel like I have to justify everything all the time?!!

I gave Sahra a lift into town after work today and had a nice little chat. The one part about bringing my car to work that I regret is that I don't get to walk along the road with her twice a week when she heads into town. Now all I get is a five minute chat in the car. We had a nice little chat and she sat and put her perfume on and lipstick... almost enough to distract me and make me crash the car! As she sprayed the perfume I made some joke saying that people would be asking me if I'd had a woman in the car and she replied "Yeah...and you'll probably say 'No, it wasn't a woman. It was only Sahra'". I wanted to melt just then and say something really corny like "You're the most gorgeous woman I've ever had in this car and I'd be proud to tell anyone" but of course I didn't. I think she'd have laughed anyway. Instead I said something like "No! Of course I wouldn't say anything like that". Sheesh.... why didn't I just blurt it out? Then again, a five minute journey in the car is not enough to tell someone how you feel about them. Why do I have to work so closely with her? It kills me sometimes. Why doesn't Pauline say something to her? I think I need third party help on this. Sorry, I know it makes me sound like a big wuss but.... oh hell I don't have to justify myself to you. You know the score.

My little plan to widen my circle of friends wasn't a huge success but I would go so far as to say it was a mild success. The two friends from my past seem to have given up but Andy who used to go to my school has contacted me again and asked if I want to meet up and go for a night out sometime. I wrote back and said I'd like to so maybe when either of us are free again we'll meet up and it should be fun. It's not like I want to spend the whole night talking about old school things and I'm not really sure what he's into these days but it will be fun I am sure. I know he goes into London quite a bit so it sounds like he has a somewhat similar mentality as I do about going places. His workaholic philosophy is a bit different to mine though but perhaps thats a side effect of working in the commercial sector and actually getting paid a decent wage. Hehe.

A friend of mine has been feeling a bit blue recently (which I am all to familiar with as you know! hehe) and I'd love to be able to cheer her up. She writes the most crazy things in my guestbook and has a fabbo graphics site which I steal from (like the graphics in this entry). I had intended to use her very cool "Orbit 98" graphics anyway but hopefully when she sees them in this entry it will make her smile. If not then I will have to beat her severely with an "FO" stick (don't ask!) until she agrees to smile. Hehe.

"Tiene que sonreír Kathimos"

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